limbo

Twice bitten, thrice shy.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me thrice?

Not going to happen.

I don't believe you, not anymore, so go away.

I won't be fooled, I won't be fooled.

But life's a lot harder to live, exposed to this light.

And without this mirage, this desert bears no oasis.

To walk, to thirst, and never to quench.

Spiraling, down, out, out of control.

How did I get here?

And where do I go next?

Suggest

a destination.

depressed.depressed?whywouldibedepressed.don'tlookatmei'mnotdepressedwhat'sthistears
butwhyit'snothingjustlikeeveryoneelseit'snottheendoftheworldwhathaveilostwhathave
idonewhatamidoingwhydoitryit'suselessafterallidon'tcareidon'twanttowhydididreamwhy
didihopethere'snothingouttherethatlightisanillusionforgetitdon'tbother
don'ttrydon'thopedon'twishdon't

of blindness and sight

if i don't even matter, why did you have to lie?

if i don't even matter, can't you say it straight?

if i don't even matter, why do you bother?

if i don't even matter,

just stop this masquerade

it's tiring for you

and even more so for me.

---

what is your forever

is my eternal pain.


why have sight to see
when i could be blind to it all

why did i have to see the light

when it was darkness
destined for me?

sometimes

sometimes i feel like nobody.

sometimes i feel like no one really cares.

sometimes i feel that i'm alone.

sometimes i feel no love.

sometimes i feel like crying.

sometimes i think they're all lies.

all the time really.


but will i know the truth if i won't accept it?

am i rejecting what i shouldn't?

am i pushing away the truth?

should shut up.

yea, i guess i really ought to keep my mouth shut.

everything i say just makes things worse.

the day i decided to wear my heart on my sleeve

all confused

my mind's in a whirl.

i really have no idea what i should do.

smiling and crying at the same time is a really annoying thing.

smiling that you've found your happiness

crying that i've lost mine.

there's really nothing i can say.

you're the only one who stumps me at what to say

so much for my linguistic capabilities,

i can't express even a small bit of what i feel in my heart.

i just want to say,

be happy,

appreciate what you've got,

don't turn back,

because i can't bear to see you.

yay. emo again. again again?

what can i do?

i don't know.

i don't know a lot of things.

why i post all this for instance.

is it for venting? is it in the hope someone in a similar situation will read? is it hoping you will?

i don't know, but i do know i always feel slightly better after putting things down in words.

i don't know why i talk to you.

every line is filled with irony.

every line makes me want to cry out.

but all i can do is bite my lip, and pretend.

speaking to you is a torture.

seeing your words is pain.

every line is about him, and every line is like a dagger thrust carelessly, unknowingly

cruelly.

i keep on wanting to tell you, but i know i can't.

there are so many reasons.

reasons far deeper and more complicated than anyone thinks.

i doubt anyone will understand until it has been said, and then, explained thoroughly several times.

the more i think about you.

the more reasons i find not to tell you.

and i just want you to be happy...

so i can't do a thing.

just as well i guess, another reason not to tell you how i feel.

i never understood the way love was portrayed, until i realised how illogical, how insane love is.

it's craziness.

it's masochism.

it's a paradox.

it's a fallacy.

and now i still don't know why i write these, if i can't even express enough in words, unable to find words to say what i mean, and what you mean to me.