zomg my dark side.

yes, i have secrets too. =O

it's a rant blog after all, and i believe i'm entitled to yell and bitch to an empty house.

this blog is empty... not so much that i have nothing to rant about, but so much to rant about and so little time.

maybe that's why i dun appear to be a pissed, emo, depressed guy in person. not much at all.

prolly cos i just dun care.

i've always been apathetic to emotions. i've always thought of them as retarded, and hell, they are.

emotions never make sense, they're absolutely useless and function little more than a nice fat stumbling block in your path.

hell, i wish i could do without them.

but NOOO. emotions just have to come looking for me!

the more i push them away, the more they come back, faster, stronger...

people think they live a lie, they think they're in ultimate turmoil, damned emos.

they think they have it bad. hell.

there's always someone out there that has it worse.

i might be a pissed emo dude on the inside, but what the hell, at least i dun go all, omg omg i'm so sad, no one's sadder than me, everyone hates me nobody loves me! etc etc.

heck, most of those ppl prolly dun know they're hurting the very same people that care about them, but anyway, do they care? no! of course not! wallow in self-pity! bitch to me! take it out on me! and of course, nice guy me has no choice but to try some way to make them feel better.

hell, everyone thinks i'm a crazy guy. some guy who can take all sorts of verbal and physical abuse and come out of it laughing. i try to never let how i feel get the better of me, but people just love playing on that.

hey! let's go whack abel! cos i FEEL like it!

hey! let's go hurl a couple of insults at abel! i FEEL like it!

hey! let's go steal abel's stuff! cos i WANT TO!

hey! let's just screw up abel's day! i LIKE IT THAT WAY!

what the hell.

it's like, i'm some kind of sucker who just takes what you throw at me, laughs, jokes, and takes some more.

wtf do you think i am? your emotional dustbin? your punching bag? your nice little floormat to wipe your filthy feet on?

heck, ppl prolly dun think i even care, an image which i try to keep up.

what's the point of living life sulky and pissed. i'd rather laugh and joke, and smile at anything. be that ray of sunshine so many people desperately need.

but that's what they do to all rays of sunshine innit?

hey look! it's some missionary preaching to us tribal people! let's kill him!

hey look it's jesus! let's nail him on the cross!

not elevating myself to that kind of status. i'm not that noble.

but i think you get the point, when there's a nice guy, people just love abusing em.

i don't even know why i stomach this abuse!

and you, i hate you, really.

you wouldn't know of course, just like you don't know how much i care about you.

but of course, it doesn't matter to you does it?

heck, I don't matter to you do i?

i don't know why i put up with your whining. anyone ELSE and i would have gone flamer mode.

i don't know why i try to be nice knowing it'll go unappreciated.

i don't know why i delude myself into thinking you care about me, when you really don't.

i don't know who you're going to, i don't understand why some people get all the luck.

i don't understand why no one cares how i feel.

no one ever bothers. everyone just assumes that i'm in my happy shiny mood.

yes, my very successful facade has become a bit TOO successful.

are you guys so naive? do you really think a person can just endure what this crappy mortal coil throws at him, and what YOU have to throw at him too? do you think he has enough emotional stability to keep up what he does and COMFORT YOU at the same time?

and a few of you too!

what, i'm supposed to FORGIVE YOU?

well i did. and what do i get? more shit.

i'm nice to you, i helped you when everyone else didn't want to. heck, people want me! i could easily go help out other ppl! i dun have to waste my time on you, you loser.

what do i get? backstabbed.

you're like a pain in the ass, jammed in at high speed.

hell, you're prolly going around being your usual assholic self, pissing off all whom you come in contact with.

i haven't even scratched the surface of what i want to bitch about, and my fingers are getting lethargic. why? i don't even know myself.

i don't want to let you go, but i don't want to hold you back either.

i just want you to be happy, but you wouldn't know, and you wouldn't care.

all that matters to you after all, is someone else.

i don't even know who i'm supposed to be fighting against, though of course stupid me is doing the reverse.

i'm just gonna hope you're happy. as usual.

and be my happy, aloof self. as usual.

lying to myself like i do everyday.

pity i'm a bad liar.